Sunday, September 26, 2010

Do You Think You're Pretty?

I should…
But it’s hard. A couple days ago one of my male friends asked me this and I stumbled on answering the question for so long, you would have thought I was cumming or something. It’s not that I don’t like the way I look or don’t think that I’m an attractive person because I do. I know I am. I’m aware of my sex appeal, sultriness and physical beauty. But admitting it is the hard part.
I’m a firm believer of natural beauty, inner beauty—yet I do admire all kinds. But when he asked me the question, we were talking strictly outer beauty…the physical. In that case, it’s hard for me to say, “I’m pretty” for many reasons. I think it’s a part of human nature to compare yourself to other people and other ideas that are to you quintessentially beautiful. I’m guilty. There’s always someone (and it may only exist in your own mind) who is prettier more beautiful than you. I know this, so I don’t fret about it much. It just surprised me that when he asked me this question, I couldn’t answer him.
I like the way I look and there’s nothing I would add, just some things I wanna say deuces to. Well, actually just one. (This is really hard to even type but…) If I could have clear skin, I would be satisfied. I know there’s no such thing as perfection and I like to stay far from it because if I was, I’d be (even more) boring (than I already am). With clear skin, I wouldn’t be any where nearperfect. I’d still not like my teeth on the right side, I’d still wish I had thicker eyelahes, etc. I would be comfortable. 
But I guess life never really lets you get comfortable, huh?
I’ll never (fully) know what I look like to other people, what they perceive the things I call my flaws as. And a part of me likes that idea. The other part of me, my inner feline perhaps, is curious. So do I think other people think I’m pretty? Yeah. Do I think I’m pretty?
In order to think I’m pretty I have to feel pretty. True beauty comes from feeling joy, peace and happiness. I’ve never felt pretty.
Maybe one day I will.


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